Big English Poptart
by Owl Lady
Summary: Summary: Dean has Crowley babysit for him and Cas. Suddenly Dean gets an unexpected call at work and rushes to the hospital. What did Crowley do this time? Established Destiel, Sabriel, and Crobby


Heylo everyone it's me Owl Lady. I've been wanting to write a Supernatural fic for a while now, but I haven't had time (or a good idea...thanks god of writer's block). Recently though an idea popped into my head and I think it's perfect for my first Spn adventure. ENJOY

"DEAN"

"DEAN"

"Crowley will you stop shouting...your gonna make me deaf" Dean said as he pulled his phone away from his ear slightly. Crowley was baby sitting and he'd just frantically called Dean right in the middle of work.

"YOU NEED TO COME TO THE HOSPITAL NOW" Crowley said in a high pitched yell. Dean's stomach dropped. He immediately ran over to the impala and jumped in.

"What's wrong...are Ruth and Mary ok" Dean asked while he fumbled around trying to start his car.

"Mary's fine, but...I don't know about Ruth" Crowley said. Dean heard sniffing on the other end of the line...was Crowley...crying. For God's sake your surrogate dad dates a crying demon. Could demons even do tha-

"I'm in the emergency room and they just took Ruth in" he said putting Dean's thoughts to a halt.

"I'll call Cas and we'll be there in a minute" Dean said as he moved to end the call.

"NOONONONONONO" Called Crowley. Dean pulled the phone back up to his face.

"What do you mean no...Ruth is Cas' daughter too" Dean argued.

"I'm already gonna been reamed by you and Robert there is no need to bring the oversized tree topper into this" Crowley said and with that Crowley ended the call. Dean threw his phone into the passenger seat and banged his head against the steering wheel. Why did Bobby have to date Crowley, of all people. Why not Jody, at least she could manage children without killing them...or maybe not. If there was even one tiny scratch on Ruth or Mary...Cas was going to have his hide. He could already hear the long drawn out argument on why it wasn't safe to trust the King of Hell with your babies. Normally Dean would have been with Cas on that one, but Ruth and Mary begged him to let Crowley watch them. How could you say no to a 6 and 4 year old, especially since they had inherited their uncle's puppy dog eyes. With that thought Dean turned the key in the ignition and started his baby.

{oOo}

Dean strides into the Sioux Falls emergency room and looked around for the demon. It wasn't that hard. Not to many people wear black Armani suits in Sioux Falls. Dean walked over to him and when Crowley saw him he let out a sigh of relief.

"What's going on Crowley? Where's Mary? Why the hell are we in an emergency room? Why won't you let me call Cas, he could heal her" Dean started in.

"Hold it mate, one question at a time" Crowley said as he sat down in an uncomfortable looking chair. Dean was about to lay into him, but something crashed into his legs and made him look down.

"Daddy Daddy Daddy" said the little blonde, green eyes girl at Dean's feet. Dean quickly responded and picked his youngest daughter up in a tight hug.

"Well there's one answer for you" Crowley mummbled.

"Daddy mes an Ruthie where playin and then Gran Gran was taking mes an Ruthie to the hosp...hospitsals" Mary said. Dean smiled and settled his daughter on his hip.

"I know princess, your Gran Gran called me and told me to come down here" Dean said. Dean gave Crowley that look he always gave him when Dean called him 'Gran Gran'. When Dean and Cas first had Ruth they tried to teach her to call Bobby PawPaw and Crowley Grandpa. The first time she tried she called him Gran Gran and Crowley refused to be called anything else.

"Hey princess why don't you go over to that table and pick us a magazine so I can read it to you" Dean asked. Mary nodded her head like this was the most serious mission on earth at the moment. Dean kissed her check, set her down, and watched her zoom over to the nearby coffee table. As soon as Mary was out of hearing range Dean started up again.

"What. The. Hell. Happened" he asked. Crowley has leaning back in the chair and looking more worried than Dean had ever seen him.

"Well everything was going fine at first. Mary was babbling on to me about some 4 year old issues and Ruth was play with Cerberus"

"MY DAUGHTER WAS PLAYING WITH A HELL HOUND" Dean said a little to loudly which earned him some shushes, a few odd stares, and a over dramatic eye roll from Mary.

"Cerberus wouldn't hurt a fly...unless that fly's contract was up. Then he'd hunt the fly down, tear him to shreds, and drag him to hell" Crowley said. Well that was it, Crowley wasn't going to get a five star babysitting review on Yelp anytime soon. Why Dean ever let this English Poptart near his kids he'll never know.

"Anyway, Ruth bumped her head really hard on Robert's desk so I put ice on it and did all of that stuff. She was still complaining that it hurt so I told her to go in the bathroom and get some Children's Tylenol"

"YOu let a 6 year old to get her own MEDicine" Dean said as he tried to keep his voice down. Crowley got angry at that.

"Your right I though an intelligent girl could be trusted to find a deal of medicine with CHILDREN'S TYLENOL written all over it. I should have know she'd mess it up, because she's a Winchester and they always manage to screw everything up. ESPECIALLY when their your offspring" Crowley snapped at him.

"I'm not the one who overdosed my daughter in Tylenol" Dean snapped back.

"She didn't have any Tylenol" Crowley mumbled.

"What" Dean asked. Crowley laid his head on the back of the chair and closed his eyes.

"She's didn't ingest any Tylenol...she took something else" Crowley mumbled.

"Then what did she take" Dean asked. This question struck a nerve with Crowley for he immediately his his reddening face in his hands.

"Crowley...what did she take" Dean asked again.

"She took some...mhmmigmhhmra" Crowley mumbled incoherently.

"Say what now" Dean asked again.

"She...took...mhmmimmgrmma" Crowley said again. Now Dean was getting frustrated.

"Crowley if you don't tell me what she took in the next five seconds I'm gonna find a fricken huge iron rod and I'm gonna soak it in salted holy water and I'm gonna shove it up your-" it was in this moment that Mary Winchester decided to make a Grant appearance.

" Ashhhhh Hey Mary...I thought you where gonna get us a magazine so I could read it to you" Dean said trying to cover up his language.

"There alls abouts sick people Daddy. They make mes sad" Mary said as she hugged her daddy's arm. Dean rubbed her back in comfort and while he would usually have done something to help her...he was busy.

"Hey princess why don't you go over and ask that nice nurse lady about clipboards or...unicorns" Dean said.

"But Daddy I thought you said uniecorns weren't real" Mary reminded him.

"No princess I told you never to draw one on a placemat or me and Pape might get hurt" Dean reminded her. Mary's face brightened at this, which Dean isn't scared to say it terrified him a little.

"Ok daddy" she said as she bounded off to pester a nice nurse. Dean returned his attention to Crowley.

"As I was saying...just tell me what she took man" Dean asked. Crowley's face was growing considerably red under his hands.

"She...took...my...Viagra" he mumbled. It took all of Dean's strength not to burst out laughing. He was biting his lip so hard it started to bleed.

"I told her that the Tylenol was on the bottom self and my...other stuff was right next it it. So she took it and walked into the living room holding the bottle. I took the bottle away from her but by then she had already down at least one of them. So I grabbed the girls and I drove to the hospital and I checked her in and I called you and then you threatened to call Castiel and now he's going to murder me and so is Robert and who ever else the god squad has lined up for demons who give little girls penis pills" Crowley said as he grew more and more frantic. Dean took a couple of deep breaths and tried to calm himself.

"So let me get this straight" Dean started.

"I doubt you can do anything straight" Crowley mumbled. It was too easy.

"Ruth bumped her head...and instead of taking kids Tylenol...she took some of your Viagrahahahah" Dean said. He had tried to keep it together, but this was comedy gold.

"Dean stop laughing she could be having a serious medical emergency" Crowley scolded him.

"Something tells me that my 6 year old daughter isn't going to have an erection for more than four hours" Dean said making him laugh even more.

"This is serious Dean" Crowley said.

"Seriously funny...god Crowley lighten up your beginning to sound like Cas" Dean said.

Crowley didn't find it nearly as funny as Dean did. Damn his moderately successful New York literary agent meat suit whose body didn't have the sense to get it up when he and his partner where in the middle of something. Damn himself for buying Viagra and putting it on the damn bottom shelf RIGHT NEXT TO THE DAMN CHILDREN'S TYLENOL. Damn himself again for not listening to Robert when he told him that he didn't need to get it up since he was the bottom. If he had just stayed in Linda Tran's body this entire situation could have been avoided.

Dean was still giggling like a mad man when the doctor came striding towards them with Ruth in tow. She saw that her Daddy was there and she bounded towards him.

"Daddy" she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. Dugan hugged her back and tried to stand up to talk to the doctor. Ruth wouldn't let go of him so he just stood up with her clinging to his neck.

"So what's the deal here" Dean asked as seriously as he could with a blue eyed, dark brown haired, human necklace.

"I think she'll be just fine, but keep an eye on her for the next day or so. If she gets a rash or has a fever just bring her in again" He said. Dean shook his head in response.

"Oh and when you get home put the Viagra on the top shelf" The doctor suggested.

{oOo}

"I can't believe your just gonna let him get away with this" Sam said as he sat down next to his brother and their angels. They where all watching Ruth, Mary, and Michael, Sam and Gabriel's son, playing with Cerberus.

"Crowley has apologized about a trillion times and the meds she took didn't effect her so no harm no foul" Dean said as he sipped on his beer.

"What did she even take" Gabriel asked. Dean smiled.

"She took one of Crowley's Viagra" Dean said. Sam did a spit take with his beer while Gabriel's face lit up with complete and utter joy. Cas was just confused...like always.

"What's Viagra Dean" Cas asked.

"Something you and I will never have to deal with Cas" Dean bragged. Sam and Gabe both rolled their eyes at him.

"Dean our child ingested a strange medication, I think I have a right to know what said medication is supposed to treat" Cas argued.

"Ok Cas...um Viagra is used when a guy...can't get it up" Dean said. This statement had Gabriel giggling already.

"Get what up" Cas asked. Dean groaned, which Sam deemed disgusting.

"Cas don't do this to me babe" Dean said.

"It's a simple question Dean" Cas stated. Dean sighed.

"Ok Cas. What is Crowley" Dean ventured.

"A demon"

"Besides that"

"A flaming homosexual"

"What else"

"A male" Cas said. Dean nodded his head.

"Exactly and what do all men have" Dean asked again.

"Lungs" Cas answered. Dean gave his best WTF expression and Cas explained himself.

"All men on earth are required of have lungs as well as all females. They are essential for oxygen sources for your bodies, physical activities, and brain usage" Cas answered. Dean facepalmed himself, but continued on.

"No, something a little more...private" Dean said.

"Are you referring to make genitals" Cas asked. Dean nodded his head. Cas' face had a suddenly look of horror on it.

"Did our daughter ingested a male enhancement pill" Cas said. Dean nodded his head.

"And you didn't think it was of import to inform me of this" Cas said.

"Woah woah Cas it's ok. Ruth is fine. No harm no foul remember" Dean said.

"I don't no man, if Michael popped some Miracle Grow pill I would be more than totally pissed" Gabriel said.

"Yeah, but your kid actually has a dick" Dean retorted. To that Gabriel just flipped Dean off.

"What was that even doing in the house" Cas asked.

"I'm not touching that question with a ten foot pole" Dean replied.

"Of course your not. A question is not a tangible object" Dean just rolled his eyes at him and continued to enjoy his beer. The four of them just sat watch their kids for a little bit until Cas spoke up again.

"I suppose what you said about me never needed Viagra was true Dean" Cas said. Dean plastered a shit faced grin in his face and just gave a look to Sam and Gabriel. Gabe was about to flip him off again, but Cas cut him off.

"You on the other hand is a different story" Cas said. Gabriel and Sam burst into laughter and where crying within a few moments. Dean was pissed and Castiel was confused on what his brother and Sam found so funny. This was how their life was, and it was good.

I hope you enjoyed, please leave a nice comment, and as always THANKS FOR READING


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